Do We Really Love?

The book that my bible study group has been studying lately is really kicking my hiney. I have mentioned it before, it is "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I really like it, but many parts are difficult to read. It is challenging, honest and straight to the point, which I need. God knows I have needed to be pushed and challenged out of my comfort zone. I feel like I have been in a safe hiding place until recently, in a season of recovery, healing, rest---spiritually, after the years that Jason was sick and our finances and marriage were a struggle. But it is time to move on. A season of stretching, trusting and challenging my walk with God has begun, albeit fearfully at times, but also joyfully. It is exciting to see what God will do in our lives when we step out in faith, trust Him and sharpen our focus on God. Sooo, after that lengthy beginning, here is some of the painful, uncomfortable stretching that God has been doing with this material I have been reading. It has actually taken me some time to sit down and write this.

Francis Chan talks about being "Lukewarm Christians". These are people that don't really want to be saved from their sin; they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin (FIRE INSURANCE). They say they love Jesus and He is part of thier lives, but only a part. They care more about safety, security and being in control, being slaves to the god of control (Ouch---Me!) This focus keeps them from sacrificing and risking for God. Their focus in narrowed to only themselves and their family. The truth is their lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God. Whoah!!! Are you convicted yet? I am. This gave me some serious thinking to do and self examination.

The BIG KICKER is this next statement Francis made. "To put it plainly, churchgoers who are 'lukewarm' are NOT Christians. We will not see them in heaven (Revelation 3:15-18)." OK, are you scared yet? Are you getting uncomfortable, starting to sweat a little, angry? You may have a different opinion, (I wasn't sure what to think about this myself) but it is still something to think about. At what point are we saved? I have said before, that even Satan and his demons believe in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They have no doubt about who they are and the power of God and His goodness. They just don't love God or Jesus.

But do we? Really? We can't go to heaven without truly and faithfully loving Jesus. (James 2:19) "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that---and shudder." God doesn't just want us to know him. He wants us to love him, which means obedience. Isn't that what we want from our children? Is it enough for our child to just know us? NO. We crave their love. This is shown from obedience, especially when it isn't easy. Can we become Christians without becoming Disciples? We are called to make DISCIPLES of all nations, teaching them to OBEY all that God commands us. God's grace and forgiveness is a freely offered gift, but their is also a cost to it. God does not want stagnant, immobile, lazy people. God is worth more than that. It is a slap in his face when he gives us so much. A Christian is a person who loves God, obeys him and perpetually moves toward Christ. He can't direct and guide a person who is stuck in the ground. A moving boat is easier to guide and steer. You can't guide a stationary boat or person.

So what is moving toward Him? It is LOVING him. When we love someone, we spend time with them...we WANT TO. We listen to their desires and not just our own. Do we start out the day asking what God wants us to do? Or do we just ask him to bless us? Do our prayers focus only on what we want God to do for us? Or do we listen and focus in on what God wants us to do for Him? Following God can't be halfhearted. God must be involved in everything we do. Our priorities and decisions focus around Him, instead of us trying to fit God into our schedule and events. Whose agenda do we focus on? WHO do we focus on---Ourselves or God? Hmmmmm. Hard question. Do we really believe that God's agenda is best, more important than our own? Ouch! I hope this is hitting home with you as much as it did with me. Is Loving God worth it? YES! "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and yet lose his soul?" (Luke 9:25). Besides salvation, His ways are Best. God will reward those who seek Him.

The answer to "lukewarm" living is LOVE. We must truly love God, and work on loving him more each day. Many of us believe that we have as much of God as we want right now. He is a REASONABLE portion in our lives compared to everything else. (We don't want to be Jesus Freaks now do we? YES I DO!) A portion isn't enough! We must want ALL OF HIM...and want it more than comfortable living. He cares more about our Character than our Comfort.

John Piper asks whether we are in love with God in his book, "God is the Gospel": "The critical question for our generation---and for every generation---is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?" Ouch! I had to think long and hard, but my answer is No. It would not be heaven, it would be hell if Christ wasn't there. To be without him would be a black abyss. It literally makes me physically feel sick to think of it.

Don't get too stressed or upset yet. If you aren't sure if you are truly in love with Jesus and God, then the answer isn't to try harder, it is to relax and let him in to your life. Keep inviting him in. (James 4:8) "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you." Ask Him to change you and be open to it. Follow his leading even if it scares you. You won't regret it. Why do so few people genuinely find joy and pleasure in their relationship with Christ? Lukewarm living isn't fulfilling. It will never bring the joy and excitement of really loving and trusting God. Stop living in fear and try it!!! There is no one else worthy of our Love. He is the only one who won't dissappoint you! Thanks for listening to my inner, spiritual turmoil and challenge. I hope it challenges you to step out and love God and Jesus more too.

Fantastic Fall Break

This Fall Break has been very busy, but we have gotten a lot accomplished. Whew! Thursday was the first day we had off and Max had two of his friends from school come over for the day to play. Our home was Boy Central. Crazy. Friday, Jason took the day off and we went to Oklahoma City to go to the Leggo Store and then to the zoo. Since it was raining too hard, we opted to not do the zoo and to go to the Natural History Museum in Norman instead. On the way home we went waaaay out of our way and went to Anadarko to Pop's convenience store. It is pretty cool. But it took forever for us to wind our way home on small back highways.

Saturday it was still raining so I cleaned the house until 1:00, then ran a few errands. Then we rented movies and watched them as we peeled the paper wrappers off of a carton of 64 crayons for an art project we did a few days later. Sunday we went to church, then went straight to the pumpkin patch. Not a good idea to do it in Sunday clothes and shoes when it is sooo muddy. Oh well, live and learn. We went to lunch after that, then to the grocery store for the boys to each pick out their own pumkin (Much cheaper there than at the Pumpkin Patch!). Then Jason helped the boys build thier new Leggo toys they bought at the Leggo store in OKC with their point money they earn each week. That night we had bible study at church.

Woke up this morning and started in on the craft project we peeled crayons for. We melted the crayons and some extra wax I bought then put wicks in some empty votives and poured the colored wax into them. We separated out the colors and did them one at a time to make striped candles I had scented (added candle scent you can buy) with Cinnamon. They turned out sooo cute. I made them for my friends as one of their birthday gifts and for the boys teachers for Christmas.

I always make homemade gifts for my close prayer partner friends I have had for fifteen years now. They look forward to see what it will be each year. I do it all around Christmas break to have the time since during work and school I am too busy. It is my one big craft project for myself (not the kids) that I do each year. Last year I painted plates and made home made fancy beaded sachets and the year before that I knit scarves for everyone. I have painted stone tiles with different birds for a set of coasters tied with a bow, made beaded small bags to use for coins or to store jewelry,etc.

Anyway, after making the candles today, the boys made posters for an art contest at their school and then we made Christmas ornaments out of the beads you iron together. Whew. Did I mention we have Karate tonight and then school tomorrow---and my work. Anyway, we have to make the time off count to get our projects done and have some FUN! I hope your Fall break was great too! By the way, Brook and her family went to Disney World in Florida this break!!! Talk about a fantastic Fall break!

Cute Creepy and the Bible

Max and I were talking the other day while at Target. Sam was off enjoying the spooky, gory decorations for Halloween. His favorite! (This is perfect for the Spanish Immersion school program he is in because they have out on display the Dia de Muerto--Day of the Dead celebration decorations which has skeleton heads decorated and skeleton people in sugar candy, grave decorations, etc.) Anyway, Max was lagging behind with me, not particularly enjoying the extra creepy stuff unlike Sam. He said, "Mom, I like the cute creepy, not the creepy creepy stuff." I agreed with Max, he said it so well.

Well, I actually did make Sam's skeleton he bought last weekend into an educational thing. It hangs in his room by his bed, his friend he named Skulzie. The very night he got it we hung it up and he immediately asked me to get on the computer and print out a picture of a skeleton with all the bones named so he could know their names. I did it right away and we have had fun learning them. He already knows: skull (hence skulzie), rib cage, spine, mandible, coccyx, radius, ulna, tibia, fibia, femur, humerus, sternum, pelvis and phalangies. He has trouble remembering the clavicle for some reason. We made up funny things to remember them (e.g. the mandible eats meat, "don't break your coccyx", Max has broken his radius and ulna, Mimi broke her femur last year, Elvis the pelvis--and they shake their hips, the humerus is humorous because it is near the arm pit, and we wiggle our phalangies-fingers, the tibia and fibia help you from falling,etc. Anyway it has been fun. Skulzie has been a hit, and very helpful.

This last Sunday I did another project with the kids and we melted crayons together in the oven to make multicolored crayons. It was fun. We also saw my nephew Sawyer play a soccer game and Carson play a football game. It has been quite busy. Sunday evening at church, the boy's classes gave them a choice of activities they have to do throughout this week for a prize next Sunday. My boys are all about prizes and will do anything to get them. Sam chose reading his bible each day. He has been obsessed with it and wants to read it 2-3 times each day. He carries it around like it is gold. If I'm too busy to read it to him right away he opens it up and stares at the pages. He told me that it didn't matter that he can't read because just looking at it was wonderful. He spends a lot of time doing this dreamily and saying "Mom, I love the bible." Oh it does my heart good, only he does this and then a second later starts screaming and fussing about something else out of the blue he finds to get mad about, stomping and jumping while still holding the bible. Ohhh Sammmy. I guess I know what I 'm going to have to get the boys for Christmas, a kid friendly, easy to read bible for each of them. Sam is wanting to have his own---to stare at...ha, ha. No, he will soon learn to read and be able to read it on his own.

So there you have it; cute creepy beats out creepy creepy, skulzie is a hit and educational, and God's word is good, even for a kindergartener. Hope your week goes well.

Be a Blessing

God has been dealing with me lately about margins as I have said before. This week the pastor spoke about financial margins. He said that number one, we need to bring God into the equation and give to Him first. I have been convicted lately that I need to tithe more. I used to tithe more than the traditional 10 percent that is stated in the bible. That is the lowest standard we are given, but if we can it is great, even better to give more. The reason is that it blesses US the most when we give to others. Since we had some major financial difficulty about 4 or 5 years ago due to Jason's health, we stopped tithing 10 percent. It is time we go back, even if it hurts a little.

Of course once I made the decision, my job made it mandatory for me to accept a state vehicle to use for work. This sounds great, but it actually stinks. It is a loss of $500 out of my pay each month and cuts into my work time as I can't use it for anything personal, to drive home or pick my kids up from school. I have to pick it up and return it at the beginning and end of each day. I am used to being able to go straight to my first appointment and leave from my last home visit to go get my kids. This saves me a lot of time and hassle. Ugh. Despite that, I am sticking to my gun and tithing what I have been called to do.

And guess what? I have actually seemed to have more money this month, despite it all. Who knows what next month will bring, but I know that God is encouraging me for my obedience, despite my anxieties. It sounds awful, but one of my biggest fears and anxieties I struggle with is about finances. Not because I want sooo much, (not that I don't want more than I need) but because I want to feel secure and safe. But I need to find my safety and security in God and Jesus. No matter how much I save and work, the stock market, bad investments, anything could take that money away in a moment. I need to not worry and trust God to provide. Matthew 6 says that if He cares for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field, will he not provide for us, whom he loves so much? (loosely translated by me).

Anyway, back to my pastor's sermon. He says that the issue isn't that we don't have enough income, but it is the lifestyle we choose and allow to chase away our income. Ouch! It is so true. I look at families I work with that have 5 children and have such a small income. I wonder how they do it? Somehow they make their money stretch. This is why. We need to have financial margin, otherwise we have financial tension. The margin gives us peace. God calls us to live with margins so that we have peace. Good things happen here. Our financial problems are really a spiritual issue. It indicates what is going on in our heart. Jesus said more aobut money than about heaven or hell combined! It is important. If we rob ourselves of margin we are robbing ourselves of God. We aren't the owner of our money. We are only the manager. When we die we don't take it with us. It is only ours to borrow and manage for a short while. We are responsible for what we do with it. We must not put ourselves first. God must come first.

God promises to bless us when we live in the margin and put Him first.

Proverbs 11:24-25 "Give freely and become more wealthy; be stingy and lose everything. The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed."

Proverbs 30:8 "give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs."

Money is not evil, but the love of money is evil. It pushes God out of the equation, the one who gives us all we have to begin with.

I was reading a magazine from Compassion International about a pastor who had been on a short mission trip to a poverty striken area (I wish I had saved the magazine, I think it may have been in the Sudan?). Anyway, he was so overwhelmed by the poverty and people dying of starvation and disease that he went back home to his church and prayed. He felt compelled to sell his house and downsize to a smaller one so that he could give more money to help the missions there. He waited to tell his congregation until he had done it, then encouraged them to pray about it and to think about downsizing their lifestyle in order to give more to God's causes. His church was so inspired that many have done the same thing. That one small church has done amazing things in that country and the area has totally been changed from despair and death to one of hope.

I was so blessed to read about all they were able to do and are still doing. How much more of a blessing it must be for those people to give to eternal causes than to a bigger house, newer car, more stuff... It is sooo easy to forget why we are blessed. We are blessed in order to be a blessing. When we get to heaven we won't think once about our lifestyles here on earth for this short millisecond. We will think about and actually see and hug and praise God with the people we bless. Lord help me to be a blessing. Simplify my life so that only you are my focus. Take away distractions and temptations. I want no regrets in heaven. I hope we can all be a blessing this week. Pray each day for God to show you how he wants to use you and be open to his leading. His love and mine...

My Little Spooks!

Yes, the Halloween season has begun. In just this last week we have taped 16 spooky pictures on the front window of the house. Each October my kids start drawing Halloween pictures to fill up the entire front window. Me and my siblings use to do this at our house when we were kids, so my kids are carrying on the tradition. We are 2/3 there now already. Sam especially is obsessed with it. He likes to draw his "Halloween pictures" as he calls them, year round. He is obsessed with scary monsters and "blood, dripping, splatting blood" as he calls it. He is just like his uncle Trent.

We just got back from Target and the book store. The kids got to buy something with the points/money they have saved up and earned for good behavior. Driving home, Max was in the back seat immersed in his Pokemon book, trying to read it in the dark. Sam was quietly sitting in the back seat content, hugging his Kid sized skeleton he bought. Oh my Sammy. I talked him out of scarrier things. Instead of a book or toy, he wanted more than anything to buy a Halloween decoration. So there it is, he has a huge skeleton hanging in his bedroom. I keep telling myself it will be educational and we can use it to talk about the bones in the body. Yeah, right. Oh well. So my kid is obsessed with scary things. I guess there could be worse things. He still has a heart for God and Jesus, it's jut that the gore makes me cringe at times.

Oh, they also picked out their Halloween costumes last Sunday. Max is going to be a shark with feet hanging out of its mouth. It is really funny looking. Sam is going to be a bat. He has talked about wanting to be a bat for months now. Happy Halloweening!

Number Your Days

In continuing the discussion I had two blogs ago about time and prioritizing to maximize our days, our impact for His kingdom, I have to review some thoughts I heard from my pastor. He said that God is the one who gave us our time. He is the only one who knows how many days, how much time we have to accomplish our purpose here on earth. Yes, our days are numbered and we must remember that. No matter how long we live, our lives are all short compared to eternity. We must be wise with our time. Understand that your priority determines your capacity. We must make our practice a priority. Our practice here on earth is our time alone with God. It is preparing us for when we get to live with him face to face. We must slow down, "Be still and know that He is God,".

This is sooo hard. Whenever I try to not just do all the talking in my prayer time, and actually get quiet to listen to God, my mind wanders or I start to fall asleep or daydream. Ugh! What's wrong with me? My mind can't turn off from overdrive and be still. but being still is what my soul needs the most. It is healing, renewing, life giving. So why is it sooo hard!? Still, I must practice it to get better at it.

My preacher said that each time we put on our watches in the morning we should say Ps. 90;12 "Teach me Lord to number my days that I may gain a heart of wisdom." What a great reminder to start our day with energy and the urgency we need to live each day for the things of God that are eternal and not forget with the distractions of the day. Let's try it.

One person that has inspired me for a long time is the singer/song writer Rich Mullins. He passed away about 13 years ago. He is one person I would like to meet and spend time with in heaven, besides God, Jesus and my family of course. Anyway, I have been googling his videos and watching him sing and share about his walk in his old concert video clips. He is so amazing. He took a vow of poverty and set up a group of men to be in charge of all the money he made. He lived like a pauper in an old trailer with only a few clothes. He had the group receive all of his money and then they gave him a small allowance to live off of because he didn't want to be tempted to spend more. He wanted to give as much as he could to help others and do God's work. That was what consumed him. It was a joyful thing. To give brings forth more joy. If you have ever given (especially when it hurts) you know what I'm talking about. Does my love for God and others consume me that much? Not really. I wish it did. Now not everyone is called to or given the gift of poverty, like Rich. but what an example he was and still is. His music lives on to inspire and point us to God, but even more so his life. No other singer inspires me as much a him with his music or life.

Anyway, I feel that God is trying to focus me and help me let go of my desire and striving for material things. Not that they are bad, but my frustration, bitterness and distractedness from wanting material things does draw me away from God. I forget how blessed I truly am and lose my joy. I pray for "Godliness with Contentment which is great gain." As Americans, we are truly rich. We have food to eat and shelter and education. Many in the world have none of these. Many don't survive. When we fuss and whine it is a stench to God. The irony of it. Will we ever have enough to be satisfied? If we did we would be complaining of being bored. Our wealth and comfortable living can disfigure us spiritually. We no longer have a healthy need for God. Our memories fade and we forget Him and all he has done for us. How sad.

So be content, give freely, thank God and Jesus and use your time wisely and joyfully. Carpe Diem.

My Top 29!

A friend of mine did a blog post on the 29 things that she wanted to do most this next year since it was her birthday month. Well it isn't my birthday month, and I'm not 29 (neither is she) but I guess I could pretend. It was just 1 1/2 months ago. So here goes...

1. Continue to grow more in my walk with Christ.
2. Have more consistent quiet times.
3. Do better on scripture memorization.
4. Tithe more.
5. Spend as much time with my kids as possible.
6. Start back up scripture memorization with my kids, we stopped at 3 just to make it easier to get them down well last year and it is definitely time to move on if I could just remember to do it.
7. Excercise more.
8. Eat healthier.
9. Lose weight.
10. Worry less and trust God more.
11. Step out of my comfort zone and allow God to challenge me more.
12. Read more books, especially THE BOOK/THE WORD.
13. Write more.
14. Simplify my life by prioritizing better and living with focus.
15. Want less/Need less/Be happy with less---realizing my blessings.
16. Be more giving to others.
17. Finish my birthday gift project for this next year.
18. Get more sleep.
19. Spend more time with family/relatives
20. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (as the scripture says so wisely).
21. Purge my house of things we don't need to make more space. This is soooo Freeing!
22. Someday redo the carpet and tile in the house and freshen the paint.
23. Remember to praise and pray more throughout the day so that I can practice the presence of God.
24. Say "no" more and "yes" less to use my time more wisely.
25. Keep good boundaries.
26. Someday get a little bit bigger house. It doesn't have to be much bigger, just room enough for my parents to move in with me when and if they ever need or want to. I would love that.
27. Get a treadmill machine.
28. Someday get to be a stay-home mom, or at least work part-time and not full-time.
29. Go on another mission trip. I haven't been on one for a long time. It would really be cool to do one with my kids.