Handling It

God is doing a work in me lately. He is apparently up to something and wanting to help make a change in me. Hallaleuiah! It's about time, I sure need it. The only thing is...I don't like the painful process, the stretching and strain. Help. A few books I am reading and sermons I am hearing are all speaking to me in harmony, working together to speak the needed truth to my spirit. Anyway, here is some of what I am learning, or relearning.

I have been extra stressed and anxious lately about having enough time with my kids. I feel a weight of guilt for having to work full time and have always wished I could be a stay home mom. Some days I just want to cry, and do. Being so busy, I feel like I and my kids are always rushed. I have to be careful about committing to things and fiercely guard our time together. As it is, by the time we get home from work and me picking them up from aftercare, we have only 3 hours together to do karate classes, homework, dinner, bath, etc. The boys complain that they have no play time....sooo the knife twists. I feel guilty about it, as well as not feeling like I can do a good job at juggling all my jobs and duties. Some days I feel like I can't do anything right. Help me Lord!

Well, God is reminding me about the sin of stress and worry. Yes, I said it was a SIN. In the book "Crazy Love" it says it well, that WORRY implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. STRESS says that the things we are involved in are importat enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Yep, that's me. Basically these two behaviors imply that it is ok to not trust God becuase the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. This reeks of arrogance and is a slap in Jesus' face, diminishing all he has done for us. It says that God's goodness is not good enough for us.

Wow, now I feel even guiltier and more worried. How about you? But we must stop and look to God and Jesus. Think about more excellent, worthier things and stop focusing on the negative. Then it is easier to trust God when we take time to remember him and who HE IS. The bible says we should be grateful for our weaknesses and boast in them for when we are weak, then we are strong, not able to rely on our own selves, but being forced to rely on God's more infinitely powerful and wise abilities. We may not be able to handle things, but God can. The unknowns and things we can't control are secret blessings making us run to God.

My pastor spoke on slowing down our busy lives and making room (Margins) for God. Asking God to give us more margins in our lives and ways we can do this. The biggest is saying no to the good to make room for the best---God's will. Ask God if you are to committ to things before saying yes. We must prioritize and put God first, then all the rest will follow, falling into place. It reminds me of Matthew 6:33 "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." I have always loved that verse. It helps focus me. Yet I still struggle to do it...why?

A good example given by my pastor was packing your car for a long trip or trying to fit as many rocks into a jar as possible. If you put them in randomly, fewer will fit and there won't be room for the big ones. But if you put in the biggest rocks (most important things of your day...e.g. time with God and family,etc.) first then add the smaller ones, the smaller ones fall in around the bigger ones and more can fit in the jar (your day). It truly works. I have worked hard trying to start back up on having consistent quiet times in the morning and a small, small ten minute work out. Normally I can't find the time, but it is working out. Yes, I am getting up a little earlier, but in doing so and getting my first priorities in, the day goes much better and is more productive. I can handle the load and stress of the day much better. The smaller things fall into place much better once the larger ones are already in/done. Anyway, it has been really helpful to me. I hope it is to you too. I hope I didn't get too preachy and teachy, but good info should always be shared to bless others. I hope you are blessed tenfold!