The Color Purple or Purple-ishis

I have been listening to a CD about marriage relationships by Emerson Eggerich's called "Love and Respect". It is really good. I know, I know, I like to recommend books a lot. I admit I am somewhat of a bookworm. My hairdresser loaned it to me. She is amazing. Not only does she give amazing cuts and colors, but she ministers to all of her clients. She shares all of her books and CD's with her customers, prays for you and shares her connections around town. She just loves to serve others. What a woman of God! She has even helped sell my book and in the past has helped my husband get a job. She has all the hookups! Now that is what I call full service. If anyone needs a good hair stylist I highly recommend her. Her name is Barb Giordano and her office is at Kingspoint Village in Tulsa at the Bellisima Salon. Can you tell I like to brag on people? I only tell the truth.

Anyway, back to this Book. At first I was resistant to be totally honest. My flesh cringes at hearing that I need to respect my husband to get his love. But the truth hurts sometimes. It also talks about how the husband needs to show the woman love to get respect. Love is the woman's language and respect is the man's. It is each's deepest need. It does ring true. You can't expect a starving person to listen to the gospel when he is hurting and dying. You need to minister to the person's primary needs first, then they can hear and respond. Only then can the other make changes. It is just hard to be the first to start the process. We all tend to hold out for the other to make the first move and show love and respect first.

In all relationships there are deep wounds that occur, if only for the mere fact that the spouses' opinions matter so much to the other. Anyway, it is hard for me to let go sometimes, as bad as that sounds. Confession time. My heart gets hard and I dig in my heels and then I am disrespectful to the ones I love most. But I found something new and freeing today. Even if my spouse isn't honoring me or hasn't been in the past, I am not just doing it for him. I am doing what God wants me to do, being the wife, person that he wants me to be and honoring him in all that I do regardless of the results.

A big stumbling block for me is that I want to see results...and right away. I am not patient. But the results aren't up to me. They are up to God. I have to leave that work to Him. Now I know it sounds easy and like I am a saint if I can do that. Believe me, I am no saint, unfortunately. I struggle with it still! But it is so freeing to know that I can just do it for God. That takes me out of the cycle of expectations and frustration...expecting certain responses from my spouse only to be dissappointed. Now I can freely honor my husband because I am doing so to honor God. If I don't feel like showing respect, than I can focus on honoring God. That takes the sting out. Sorry, I know that sounds awful, I shouldn't struggle that much, but lets be honest, we all do. It may not seem like a lightening bolt moment of sublime revelation, but it helped me. (And I did not read this material because my husband is particularly difficult to get along with, it is just good information. No diggs meant for you honey).

The author also talked about men seeing things from a blue lense and women from a pink lense. To honor our spouse doesn't mean that a man has to become pink (feminine) and a woman blue (masculine). God did not intend for us to be that. He made us the way we are for a reason. So relax. But when we honor each other in a way that is meaningful to each of us, then we are honoring God and speaking his language, seeing things in his view. The pink and blue come together to blend into a beautiful purple. This is God's color, the color of royalty that we, as his heirs, sons and daughters, made in his image, were meant to be. Anyway, it may seem dorky, but it clicked for me. What was supposed to be a quick summary has become a long one, as usual. Sorry. I tend to be wordy. I love words. Maybe that is why I became a speech pathologist and like to write....Word Girl! Sorry, I have been watching too many kids shows lately with my boys. But to wrap things up, I want to be part of God's royalty and please God. Just the thought of causing a smile on His face....Well I hope we all behave in a purple royal fashion today and everyday. Let's be Purple-ishis!!!