Handling It

God is doing a work in me lately. He is apparently up to something and wanting to help make a change in me. Hallaleuiah! It's about time, I sure need it. The only thing is...I don't like the painful process, the stretching and strain. Help. A few books I am reading and sermons I am hearing are all speaking to me in harmony, working together to speak the needed truth to my spirit. Anyway, here is some of what I am learning, or relearning.

I have been extra stressed and anxious lately about having enough time with my kids. I feel a weight of guilt for having to work full time and have always wished I could be a stay home mom. Some days I just want to cry, and do. Being so busy, I feel like I and my kids are always rushed. I have to be careful about committing to things and fiercely guard our time together. As it is, by the time we get home from work and me picking them up from aftercare, we have only 3 hours together to do karate classes, homework, dinner, bath, etc. The boys complain that they have no play time....sooo the knife twists. I feel guilty about it, as well as not feeling like I can do a good job at juggling all my jobs and duties. Some days I feel like I can't do anything right. Help me Lord!

Well, God is reminding me about the sin of stress and worry. Yes, I said it was a SIN. In the book "Crazy Love" it says it well, that WORRY implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. STRESS says that the things we are involved in are importat enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Yep, that's me. Basically these two behaviors imply that it is ok to not trust God becuase the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. This reeks of arrogance and is a slap in Jesus' face, diminishing all he has done for us. It says that God's goodness is not good enough for us.

Wow, now I feel even guiltier and more worried. How about you? But we must stop and look to God and Jesus. Think about more excellent, worthier things and stop focusing on the negative. Then it is easier to trust God when we take time to remember him and who HE IS. The bible says we should be grateful for our weaknesses and boast in them for when we are weak, then we are strong, not able to rely on our own selves, but being forced to rely on God's more infinitely powerful and wise abilities. We may not be able to handle things, but God can. The unknowns and things we can't control are secret blessings making us run to God.

My pastor spoke on slowing down our busy lives and making room (Margins) for God. Asking God to give us more margins in our lives and ways we can do this. The biggest is saying no to the good to make room for the best---God's will. Ask God if you are to committ to things before saying yes. We must prioritize and put God first, then all the rest will follow, falling into place. It reminds me of Matthew 6:33 "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." I have always loved that verse. It helps focus me. Yet I still struggle to do it...why?

A good example given by my pastor was packing your car for a long trip or trying to fit as many rocks into a jar as possible. If you put them in randomly, fewer will fit and there won't be room for the big ones. But if you put in the biggest rocks (most important things of your day...e.g. time with God and family,etc.) first then add the smaller ones, the smaller ones fall in around the bigger ones and more can fit in the jar (your day). It truly works. I have worked hard trying to start back up on having consistent quiet times in the morning and a small, small ten minute work out. Normally I can't find the time, but it is working out. Yes, I am getting up a little earlier, but in doing so and getting my first priorities in, the day goes much better and is more productive. I can handle the load and stress of the day much better. The smaller things fall into place much better once the larger ones are already in/done. Anyway, it has been really helpful to me. I hope it is to you too. I hope I didn't get too preachy and teachy, but good info should always be shared to bless others. I hope you are blessed tenfold!

Boys Brag Blog

This last weekend was a busy one. Max and Sam both had Karate tests. Max moved up to a camo-black belt and Sam to a camo-yellow belt. Max is the fist kid to go all the way through the lower level belts (camo belts) at Trinity Martial Arts. Other kids have just switched over to the older class with the solid color belts and started there. The kids Max started out with in Karate are now farther along in belts in the older class, but I am so proud that Max had the patience to want to finish it out and complete the lower level and get his camo-black. Yeah Max.

Just today he started in the older class for the first time. I was surprised that the kids in that class were so nice. Several of the kids made comments about how they were impressed he got a camo-black and that he was the first one to do it, even though they were ahead of him in solid belts. Even Mr. Lance didn't say anything to the other kids about it, they just realized it and voiced it on their own. They said they thought Max should start out with a green belt and not the standard yellow to start with since he went so far in the lower classes. Mr. Lance has not said what he would start with. He is just seeing how he does in it first. But it was sooo sweet of the kids to be so nice to Max. I didn't expect it with the competitive spirit and all, but Mr. Lance is great with the kids and teaches them to respect others. He is a nice Christian man and great with the kids. Anyway, I was just so proud of my boys!!! They are both doing great in Karate.

As if I haven't bragged enough to make you stop reading this, they are both doing well in school also. Sam got a few "mastered" and all the rest "progressing" on his first report card. He is learning and teaching me new Spanish words daily. His accent is wonderful, just like Max's. They don't get it from me. I only speak a little Okie Spanish. Ugh. And yes, the boys let me know it. Max got all top scores "excellent" on his report card, except for his humanities (art, PE and music) on which he got satisfactory. Max has really listened to me about doing his homework early and not procrastinating. In fact his teacher gives him half or the whole math homework for the week on Mondays so they can decide when they want to do it, a long as they turn it all in on Friday. Max does all of it in aftercare before I pick him up---the whole weeks worth on the first day---Monday! I don't even have to ask him to do it! He likes to do it so he can get it done and focus on other things. It is so nice since it gives more time to do reading and spelling the rest of the week without rushing and being so busy.

Anyway, I am feeling blessed, but busy. I hope everyone else is doing well also. Oh, I forgot to mention that Max had his first camp out this weekend and away sleep over party---(that wasn't with a relative). The party had 30 kids camping in a cabin, squeezed together with several parents. It was a combined birthday party for three boys. We knew two of the boys. Anyway he had a blast and now wants to go camping again. So does Sam now for that matter. He had to sleep in his sleeping bag on his bed that night to feel like he was camping too like buba.

Well, take care and don't let the ugly bragging bears get ya.

New Shows I Like

New shows that I like...I just watched the show "Mike and Molly" tonight and it was really cute. Another show I saw for the first time was "The World of Jenks". I highly recommend it. It is on channel 39---MTV channel I think, which I normally don't watch, but happened upon this show. It is about a 23 year old guy who makes a documentary film 30 minute show about a person's life that he normally would not come across or get to know. It was really interesting and the guy did such a good job revealing the person and an essence of what they go through every day and how amazing they are. He was very kind and respectful in both of the back to back two shows I watched. One was about a homeless 23 year old woman who had lived on he streets for 10 years, since she was 13 years old. The other one was about a 20 year old man with autism. He makes the characters come to life and feel like you made a friend with them or rather he becomes friends with them, truly. Anyway you might want to check it out if you have some free time to veg in front of the t.v. on a Monday night.

Happy Anniversary!

Tonight my hubby and I went out to dinner (with kids in tow) for our ten year anniversary. The actual date was Thursday, the 16th. The kids were not too impressed that it was our anniversary since it did not have anything to do with them directly---they only want to know about their birthdays and their first birthday delivered in the hospital, etc. They don't realize yet that our marriage has a direct link to their existence. Oooh to be so young. Anyway, I am very blessed to have had ten years of marriage to a wonderful Christian man that I still love dearly. I still wonder how a old hag/cougar like me caught a cute, sweet, young thing like Jason. Yes I am three and a half years older than him. Ugh.

I will not lie and say the years have all been wonderful. Much of the time has been difficult and I wasn't sure we would make it through. But day by day, one day at a time, we have made it through and are blessed all the more for it. I would not want to go through our struggles with anyone else but him. I probably would not have survived it if it had been with anyone else. But with God, all things are possible and He can make beauty from ashes. The funny thing is, the day Jason proposed to me, I kind of freaked out later and went to the bathroom and got on the floor and prayed secretly. I asked God for His will and not mine. God answered with one of the clearest voices I have ever heard from him. He said that it would not be easy, but that this was His will, His choice for me. Now I loved Jason. I was smitten and was ready to marry him even before he proposed, but this premonition, and later confirmation from God, was a little unnerving. Still I decided to follow God's will and happily marry his choice for me. What else could I do...I was in LOVE! Besides, I had told God many years before that I would rather be alone than marry out of His will. I wanted nothing but His will, His choice for my life no matter what the cost.

The years were blessed with laughter and tears, sorrows and joys, and some times of heavy trials. Would I do it over now that I know these things? Yes. In a heartbeat. Times ahead may have more trials to come. In fact they most certainly will. Life is not easy for anyone. But I am blessed to have Jason to walk through each day with me and help me through them. Besides...How cute are my boys!!! They alone are worth anything. Yes, I am a woman truly blessed. Thank you Lord. You are Good!

Finally---First Day of School Pics!

The Joy of Crazy Love

I was inspired today by my pastor's sermon on Philippians 4:1-23. It was his final talk about Joy. He talked about how elusive it is for most people , but there are 3 steps to obtaining it. Number one was to PRAY. We need to worship God. It made me think of the book, "Hindsfeet on High Places" where the main character is tormented by her mean relatives similar to demons tormenting us in our walk with God, especially during difficult times. The character learns that when she sings praises to God it drives the tormentors away because they can't stand to hear it. The same is true for us. Satan and his demons can't stand hearing us praise and worship God and will flee from it. So PRAISE! Then ask God for what you need and thank Him for what he has done.

Second we need to FIX OUR THINKING. We need to think on what is TRUE. Only 8% of our worries are legitimate!!! The rest is wasted time and torture. Why live that way? Fill your mind with the Word Of God-THE TRUTH and the Holy Spirit will guide you and guard your heart.

Thirdly, we need to have RIGHT LIVING. We need to Put Into Practice what we have learned. We need to not be a victim or martyr. Paul who had legitimate reasons to worry and complain while beaten and jailed multiple times for serving God was the most JOYFUL person of all. He was content in all circumstances. His joy was not based on circumstances , but was based on perspective, which is what we need to do. True joy is found in the MIDST of trials and regardless of the circumstances, not in AVOIDING them. Joy is determined on what Christ is doing in and through me. It is not found apart from Christ. HE is our JOY.

Now I tend to be a worrier. I think of all the possible bad scenarios that could happen in order to prepare myself. But the spiritual view of worry is that it is a wrong thinking and feeling. It is the greatest thief of Joy. It pulls us in more than one direction, causing us to become stuck, stagnant and strangled. We need to realize How BIG our God is. God will supply our needs and take care of his children. When we have the peace of God guarding us and his presence guiding us...What is there to worry about? NOTHING! So put into practice Paul's Secret...Use Christ's strength! He will give us the strength we need if we allow him to help us by trusting and relying on Him.

Now that that is said, I also just started reading a great book, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It talks about how intense the love of God, the God of the Universe, is for us and how that should change us. Do we live striving for normalcy? Should we? Or should we allow ourselves to live greater than that as God wants us to and called us to? We need to fall in love with God. He has two great videos to watch online you can go to at www.crazylovebook.com . Click on this and then watch the two videos, "The Awe Factor" and then "Just Stop and Think". Enjoy and be inspired.

Honor God

Update on school. Sam is surviving. He has now been a Kinder for three weeks. Last year when Max was in first grade he spent the first two weeks in aftercare hanging out with a kinder boy who was having a hard time adjusting and cried a lot. After the first several days the boy's mom was thrilled because the little kinder kid decided he didn't want to leave after care to go home when she came to pick him up, he was having so much fun with Max and his friend Kellen who had befriended him. After he adjusted and made some friends, Max and Kellen no longer needed to help him out. I found out about this a few weeks after the fact. The aftercare lady told me about it. I thanked her for encouraging Max to do this and teaching him to be so kind. She laughed and said the whole reason she even told me about it was because she hadn't asked Max or Kellen to do it, they did it on their own and she thought I would like to know about it. I was soooo proud of my little man!!! When Max was a Kinder some kids did the same thing for him and he must have remembered.

Well, Sam was very anxious before starting his first day of kindergarten and I asked Max to help him out like he helped out the Kinder kid last year. He said, "Sam isn't nervous." I told him that yes he was and please help him and hang out with him before classes started and then in aftercare also. He said he would, but seemed less than thrilled. Of course I stayed until classes started (after walking them in the building) and of course Max bailed on Sam the minute we got to the cafeteria. Ugh! Why are kids so willing to help others, but not thier siblings? I can't complain too much, Max has hung out with Sam some, but just not all the time, but Sam gets upset and wants Max's sole attention. Max wants to play and see his friends. Ugh! But Sam is surviving.

In fact, after just two weeks Sam now has a nice accent when he says his (Spanish) vocabulary words. (He definitely sounds better than me.) They get 16 new vocabulary words a week to learn! But they aren't tested on them, just introduced to them, and we are given pictures of them to use at home for flash cards if we want to. Whew! Between all those new vocabulary words for Sam and Max having spelling words to learn and practice for tests and Math homework and reading assignments life is busy. (And all the homework comes written in Spanish, so I have to ask Max or look up words to figure out the directions since Spanish is their primary language at school as it is a Spanish Immersion program). Not to add Karate twice a week. I am amazed at kids who do three after school activities. And most seem to. I feel like I am depriving mine sometimes. Of course those kids don't have working mom's and have longer days to get it done. By the time I finish work and pick them up from aftercare, we barely have time to eat dinner, do homework, take a bath and get ready for bed at a decent time. I feel so rushed as it is, I feel we have to keep things simple. Only it doesn't feel simple, my head is always spinning. But...we are all surviving. Yeah! That in itself is something. Right? I had to explain to Sam today during one of his fuss fits that I hoped he was happy, but that, that wasn't what was most important to me. My goal was to teach him to be act right and love and honor God. He stopped and thought about it, so I asked him if he was honoring God with his fussing and he said No. Maybe he is listening! Lord please help me each day to use the time wisely for your purposes.

Vacation

I am a little late in blogging. Things have been busy with school starting. Sam started Kindergarten and Max started second grade. Right before school started we took a mini vacation to Kansas City Missouri. It was great. We drove down one morning, ate lunch when we got there at noon, then went to the Museum. It was awesome. The museum had Picasso's, Monet's, Renoir's,etc. We spent three hours there. To get the kids more interested we had them show us their favorite pictures, sculptures, etc. and took pictures of them. Sam really got into it and wanted to take a picture of just about everything! It was fun seeing what they liked and what they thought of it all.

After the museum we went to our hotel which Jason chose wisely, as it had a Coco Keys water park on the lower level floor which we had access to for free since we were staying there. After two hours of playing there, we headed upstairs and cleaned up and went to dinner. Early the next morning we ate breakfast and headed to Worlds of Fun, getting there before it even opened. We spent seven hours riding rides and then jumped in the van and headed straight home from there, snacking in our car the whole way home to Tulsa. It was a whirlwind of a trip, but very fun. I highly recommend it.

I do have to say a funny story. When Sam was riding rides at Worlds of Fun, he kept laughing and yelling to me. On one ride I was off and he rode it alone as I watched. I couldn't figure out what he was yelling and Jason looked at me and said, "Yeah, that's what he is saying." I laughed, because it was, "Mom, it's tickling my penis!". Yes, Sam yelled it at many of the rides. I asked Jason why he always said it, and he laughed and said, because he's a boy and it's true. Apparently I didn't realize this, but a boy feels most things first and strongest through his private part. Hugh. That explains a lot. So you see, the World's of Fun day was even more enlightening than the museum day.

Anyway, I wanted to post the pictures on a slide show that the kids and we took at the museum and at Worlds of Fun, but I am not computer savvy enough and my husband is very slow to follow through on his promises to me. So...sorry. Maybe someday.