Bad Dog

Well, we have been busy. We had to make about 100 Valentine Cards for Sam's class, Max's class, teachers, family and Max's After Care program friends. Little Sammy turned 5 today! Yeah. But it was all a little tainted with a sad outcome. Our new dog Charley has been trying to dominate Sam and a litte aggressive towards him. He nips and bites at him and bit him bad on the leg this week, running from across the room to get him out of nowhere with no reason or provocation. We talked about it and prayed about it and sent Charley back to the Humane Society. They will find him a new home that does not have any small kids. It was sad and traumatic, but it had to be done for Sam's safety and for anyone else that visits our house. He was a smart, cute and sweet dog and very protective of us. We worked with him three times a day and his behavior had improved. He knew how to consistently sit and stay on command, but we just couldn't risk Sam or anyone else getting hurt. The kids were super sad and wanted to look for another dog right away and we are going tomorrow to pick up another dog. It is a little girl puppy that is a soft coated wheaten terrier. She is soooo cute. We felt we had to go the puppy route this time so that the dog would grow up with the kids knowing them and thier position right away. Pray that this new arrival to our home is a smooth transition. I was hoping origionally for a little older dog so that it would be easier, but I guess I will be doing potty training again. I can't wait to see the little girl. The boys have already picked the name Maisy, they are sooo excited. I will post pictures when I can.

Our New Dog---"Charley"

Out of the Mouths of Babes, Have the Spirit of a Child

Ok, I was asking my kids yesterday what they loved the most...I wrote about their answers on the last blog. Well, I also asked them what they feared the most also. I got the typical answers of spiders and vampires and fire. Well, my littlest boy, Sam (remember 4, almost 5!...He wants to make sure that is clear) came up to me this morning as I was making my coffee and said, "Mom I changed my mind. What I am most afraid of is walking out of God's will." I as stunned and said, "You mean not obeying God and following him?" He said yes. I guess he remembered that, that was my answer yesterday when they turned the question around on me.

It is amazing what Kids take in and process. Boy do they amaze me. I know every parent thinks their kids are amazing, but mine sure blow me away and humble me. What wise little souls they have. By the way, Sam followed up a few seconds later with the remark that, "Vampires really weren't real anyway and everyone knows that".

So lets focus on the real danger. Other things can only hurt our bodies, but our soul remains safe with God. Our eternal home with God and Jesus can't be stolen from us. But we can become complacent and forget the importance of God and Jesus and following them. We can become scared of the boogey man, our finances and of losing our comfort so that we don't follow God. Remember, he won't lead us astray. We are only here for a short time to accomplish what he created us for. Don't miss out on the adventure. There are no regrets in heaven. As Sam so aptly stated, the thing to fear most is falling out of God's will and not obeying and following Him. If a 4, almost 5 year old can get this, I think the rest of us can!!!!

Fearlessly Continue On---The Start Is Not The Finish

Fear. There always seems to be something to fear. Lately it has been the weather. I fear losing our power like we did 2 years ago during the last ice storm. I have a major fear of finances. I just want to feel safe, secure. But is that God's wish? He desires our holiness more than our happiness and values our character more than our comfort. Shouldn't we? But do we? I know if it came down to a choice myself, I would probably go for comfort and security. That is why the choice is not up to me. However that is not to say that our choices in life don't affect things as well. Our sins and choices do have lasting consequences, as I have only too well found out in life. But God is still good and faithful, even when we are faithless.
We got a new dog a week ago. Yay! He is an all black schnauzer a year and 2 months old. The boys named him Charlie. He is still a puppy and quite a handful. He is sooo cute, but sooo onrey. He still jumps up and nips at you when he is excited. This is what bothers my 4 (almost 5) year old, Sam. In fact his latest fear he has expressed is that when he gets out of the bath tub, he is afraid that Charlie will think his penis is a chew toy and bite it. He stands still in fear and yells, "No Charlie", holding his privates if Charlie is in eye view. This happens every night. Yes we all have fears, some logical and real, others not. But still we fear. (Have you noticed the theme of how proud my boys are of thier privates? Boys!).
I have always struggled with anxiety issues. But it is during my biggest trials when I feel scared and out of control, that I am forced to depend on God and his promises, and I am reminded where my true security lies. It lies in my God and Jesus. But what if I fall away from God? See...there is always another fear around the corner. I know that they won't ever leave me or forsake me, but what if I fall away from them? My one time decision of salvation does not mean I will not change my mind and fall away. As long as I am abiding in Him, I am safe. But it is my choice, daily, moment by moment whether or not to abide in Him. Starting, beginning our walk with God and Jesus DOES NOT mean finishing!!!!!
It is more than a one time decision. It is a job. Our relationship with God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit is compared to that of a marriage. It is to be intimate, close. We don't promise to stay married for only 5 years, but a lifetime...til death do us part. We promise to honor and cherish our spouse, obey, love. Do I do that with my savior? Not enough. If I love God and Jesus, then I will obey out of that love, I will have a joy that comes from obedience. I will spend time in prayer, communicating with God and Jesus, not just begging for things, but really praying. I will bear fruit and evidence of that love and obedience. God will do the work if we are obedient, then we will see the fruit. Is all of this present in my life, in my walk? Not like it should be.
Like I said before, I tend to focus on my fears and needs and not on THE ONE who will provide for them. When I do that, there is a peace and joy. I asked my two boys what they loved the most. I expected to hear about toys, things. They both answered, "God and Jesus". I wanted to cry. Every time I tuck them in bed at night they say they, "love me...they love me more than anything...except for God and Jesus." I am always so filled with joy to hear this. I love that they feel they have to put that exception on at the end to remind me Who is most important. They get it!!! They truly understand, often better than I do. That is where thier security lies. I hoped to instill this in them so that they wouldn't inherit my fears. This is a good start.
So hold firm til the end. Continue to abide and don't let go of your faith. Don't become complacent or too filled with worry and become distraced from seeking God. Life is not about what We do, but about what God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit will do through us if we let them. It is our choice.
"See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's decietfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we HOLD FIRMLY TIL THE END the confidence we had at first." (Hebrews 3:12-14)
So guird up you loins like my Sammy, let go of your fear and live fearlessly, making each day count, doing God's work. Don't ask yourself, start each day asking God, "What do you want me to do today?" Finish the race set before you.

I Laughed So Hard I Cried

Laughing and crying never seemed like close emotions. They always seemed so different and at polar extremes. But lately they seem to be so close and flow from one to the other so easily...way too easily. I have been laughing a lot from my boys. I am also crying still, often because of losing my dog Moses. Yes, I know it seems silly. I am shocked at myself. I knew how much I loved him, but this is ridiculous. I feel so lost without him. Anyway, I am glad for the laughs, but it does make me feel a little schitzophrenic at times.
One of the most recent laughs came from Sam today. I took him for a screening since we are applying to try to get into Zarrow school for him since Max goes there. It is the International Immersion school where Spanish is their fist language there and all subjects are taught in Spanish. Anyway, I am biting my nails hoping Sam gets in too. It is a luck of the draw with many people trying for the few spots available. I really love the program and would love Sam to benefit from it like Max is. Besides, I am tired of driving to two different "schools" the last two years (Zarrow and John Knox Daycare).
Well the psychomatrist was behind in screening the kids so several parents and kids were waiting for thier turn in the hallway. Sam was sitting in my lap. I was praying he would do well and make a good impression. I noticed that his pants were unzipped so fixed them. Sam said that they always do that. Why do they always do that? I said I didn't know. He said, "I think it is because my penis is getting so big mom!" I was surprised and muttered, "What?", so of course he repeated it back even louder. I was mortified. Of course the other mothers next to me had sweet little girls who don't have penises and even if they did, wouldn't talk about them in public. The other moms all stared and snickered. I do think they enjoyed the laugh too. Ooooh my boys. They do keep things exciting.
We have been looking for another dog so I am praying for God's guidance in that. I hope it helps with my goofy grief spells. I need to snap out of it.

Home for Christmas

This month has been very busy and exhausting with Jason's grandmother passing, Sam being sick, gearing up for the holidays,etc. Max got his camo-blue belt last week after doing his do-san form and completing a traditional side kick board break in karate. Sam was sick and I missed seeing the karate test (Jason took Max) since I was with Sam at the urgent care clinic for five hours getting him rehydrated. He got sick with a virus that went around his daycare on Thursday (12-17-09). He had to go back to the urgent care clinic the next day (Sunday) to make sure his kidneys, glucose level and hydration was back to normal. Saturday night Jason stayed up all night, setting an alarm every 90 minutes to get up and make Sam drink 4 oz. of pediayte. Wednesday I had to take him back again for more blood work since he was still sick. Ugh. Poor guy. By Thursday he seemed perfectly fine and woke me up jumping on my bed saying he was Staaaarving and to get up and make him some breakfast NOW!!!

The hardest part of the week was that later Wednesday afternoon, our beloved pet Moses passed away. He had the sweetest spirit and was great with the kids. I have had him since I was single and on my own. We even have a stocking for him hung up with our own. I am still trying to cope. I know it sounds silly, but his going is an even bigger hole in my heart than I imagined it would be. I am still finding myself crying at odd moments. I keep looking for him under my feet and getting up to let him out to potty or feed him. I truly feel and have always felt, since the moment I got him, that he was a gift from God, sent to help me. And he did! He gave nothing but love in his quiet, sweet way.

If I was sick, he used to jump up on the couch and lay on my feet until they warmed up and then layed down on the floor by the couch. If I got up he followed me everywhere I went. He knew I was going into labor before I did. I just thought it was cramping, but he kept following me and when I stood still, he looked up at me and put his paw on my foot each time to make sure I was ok. When the babies came home, he laid down flat as he could on his belly and slowly over a period of five minutes scooted up close to them and just watched them in awe. If they were sleeping and woke up crying, he would run to me and whine to make sure I knew until I got up and went in to check on them. He was so patient with the kids, letting them put hats, eye patches, etc. on him and sitting on him like a horse. He was such a blessing. It is amazing the blessing that animals can be in our lives. They truly are a gift from God.

Yes, I will eventually get another dog. I just need some time. The kids are already talking about it and thinking of names. But I can't imagine a dog better than Moses. From his first vet appointment at three months of age, the vet told me that he had severe allergies. They usually can't tell (the symptoms don't show) until three years of age, but his were already bad at three months. The day he passed, the vet told me that only Moses and one other dog, had she ever seen in her twenty years of practicing, that were as bad as they were. She had never seen any other cases like them. He lived a long life when you take into account his health issues. He was miserable physically, his entire life, yet he still had such a sweet, giving, loving spirit. He was unbelievable.

Sorry to be so sappy, but he was such a big part of my life. He was a member of our family and the hole he left is deeply felt. I will never forget him. I hope there are animals in heaven. I think there will be. I can't wait to see Moses there when it is my time to go. I know he will be wagging his tail and flipping my hand up ontop of his head to pet him.

The kids have been amazing with it. They keep sitting on my lap and kissing and hugging me. They both have told me several times that Moses is in a better place. He is in heaven with God and Jesus and G.G. and other loved ones we have lost and that he has a new, better body that doesn't stink. Oh the truth and honesty of kids. They make me laugh and remind me of the truth. God is still good. The kids have also reminded me that this is not our home...heaven is and that Moses is now home. We will see him when it is our time to to home. Yes, Moses is home for Christmas and so is Great Grandma Lucille. Hope you all are having a great party!!!

Christ-Mas

I was helping Max and Sam spell the word Christmas the other day. I explained to them that it spelled Christ-mas, that the first half of the word spelled Jesus Christ's name because the holiday was about Jesus Christ's birthday. Max has also caught me spelling it with an X as in Xmas. I always feel guilty doing this to save time. I hate taking Christ out of Christmas. It seems the whole world is trying to take Christ and God out of everything. Sometimes I want to shout and battle about it, and then I realize that I can't change others, but I can keep Christ the center of my life and be a witness. That helps me.

I don't have to and can't change the world. I can't even change my neighbor, friend or even husband or son's opinion...only God and Jesus can. My job isn't to change hearts. That is God's job. All I need to do is faithfully follow him and seek him and tell others about him. The rest is up to God. Now that is reassuring.

This year for Christ-mas I need to remember to make Jesus' birthday cake for Christmas eve with my family. I actually forgot to do it last year in all the busy rush. I felt horrible. If you haven't done it before, try it. You can let your kids help make and decorate the cake and Christmas eve light the candles and sing happy birthday to Jesus to remember the reason for the holiday and all the gift giving. Remind your family of the greatest gift we have been given, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I was listening to a Steven Curtis Chapman song about Jesus as a baby then a boy then a man ("This Baby Was Jesus"). I talks about how he was ordinary and grew up with his mom and dad like other boys do, learning how to walk, getting scraped knees, learning how to do carpentry, getting blemishes and going through puberty. But at the same time he was God in human form. He was human and holy at the same time. It is an oxymoron. Only Jesus could be that for us.

I thought about what God had to go through to give up his only son for us. I can't imagine doing that. I remember when I was pregnant with my boys and prayed daily for their health and development in me. I prayed about their future and for them to grow up knowing God and Jesus and serving them. Although I prayed for health, I also struggled and eventually prayed for God to make them whoever he wanted them to be, with whatever faults, frailties, struggles, however long or short their life would be. It was hard to say and pray. But in the end they really belong to him, their maker and father. However God wants to use them, I must be open to it and let them.

But could I let them be handed over for sacrifice? I could hand over myself, but not my boys. That is exactly what God did for us. Unbelievable isn't it?! His love knows no bounds. He will go to any lengths to save us. Don't go this Christmas season forgetting that. Remember how deep and wide the love of God and Christ is. Christmas isn't just about cheer and celebration. It is a season of sacrifice. It was the beginning of our salvation. Now that is something to celebrate!!!